Hearing the words, "I'm pregnant," when it's unplanned can feel like a moment where time freezes. You might feel a rush of shock, fear, or confusion. Your first thought is likely, "What do we do now?" How you respond in these first few hours and days can have a huge impact on your partner and your relationship.
This isn't just her situation to handle; it's a journey for you both. Now is the time to step up and be a team. At Wilkes Pregnancy Care Center, we support men, too, and we know that a supportive partner is one of the most important factors for a woman facing an unplanned pregnancy. Here’s a practical guide on how to be the teammate she needs right now.
First: Just Listen
Before you jump to conclusions or try to solve the problem, the single most important thing you can do is listen. She is likely feeling a whole range of emotions, and she needs to know she can share them with you safely.
- Ask, don't assume: Start with simple, open-ended questions like, "How are you feeling about this?" or "What’s on your mind?"
- Validate her feelings: You don’t have to agree with every emotion to validate it. Phrases like, "I can see why you feel that way," or "It makes sense that you're scared," show that you're hearing her without judgment.
Be a Teammate, Not a Coach
This is a shared situation, which means you should be working together. Your role isn't to direct the outcome but to be a partner in the process.
- Get Informed Together: Don't let her do all the research alone. The first step is to get the facts. Offer to go with her to a confidential appointment to get a free, lab-quality pregnancy test.
- Explore the Options as a Team: The next step is to learn about all the potential paths forward. You can learn about parenting, adoption, and abortion by exploring your choices together. Facing the information as a team ensures you both are on the same page and making a truly informed decision.
- Respect Her Decision: While you have feelings and a voice in this, it's crucial to remember that this decision ultimately rests with her. A supportive partner respects her autonomy. Applying pressure will only create distance and fear.
Support is an Action Word
Saying "I'm here for you" is important, but showing it is even better.
- Be Present: Offer to drive her to appointments. Sit with her while she makes phone calls. Just being physically there is a powerful form of support.
- Offer Practical Help: Ask if there’s anything you can take off her plate to reduce her stress.
- Be a Calm Presence: She is likely feeling overwhelmed. Your ability to stay calm and reassuring can be a source of incredible strength for her. Reiterate that you will face this together.
Get Your Own Support System
You have your own emotions to process, and that’s completely normal. However, it's important to have your own outlet so you’re not putting all of your own anxiety onto your partner. Talk to a trusted friend, your father, a mentor, or another man you respect. Getting support for yourself will make you a stronger and more reliable teammate for her.
How Wilkes Pregnancy Care Center Supports Men
You are not an afterthought in this process. Wilkes Pregnancy Care Center is a resource for you, too. We provide a confidential space where you can get information and process your own thoughts. We have dedicated resources and support for men because we know your role is vital. We welcome you to come to appointments with your partner to learn and make a plan together.
Wrapping Up
Facing an unplanned pregnancy is a defining moment. By choosing to be a supportive, active, and respectful partner, you are not only helping her through a difficult time but also building a stronger foundation for your relationship, no matter what you decide. You can do this, and you can do it together.
If you and your partner need a safe place to get information and talk through your options, we invite you to come in as a team. Request an appointment online or call us at (336) 838-9272.